1. Producing a sequel to any product will result in death by firing squad, except in cases of
2. Advertisements that address the consumer are now banned. Advertising the quality of your product is fine, but asking the consumer "have you ever" or using phrases such as "you know" are illegal.
Proposed amendment: "Advertisements are now banned." to replace text of entire decree. Scheduled for debate on [REDACTED]
3. If you operate a retail business, such as, for example, Best Buy, and your phone system makes it literally impossible to reach a human being at said store by calling it, then you and everyone you've hired to work on said phone system will be burnt on a pyre until death.
Proposed amendment: "Henceforth, all automated phone management / notification / advertisement / other form of phone call shall be run solely by humans. The use of machines for this purpose is now banned. To compensate for the potentially increased stress this may put on workers, employers are now required to allow their call center employees to tell customers to go fuck themselves if those customers are rude." to replace text of entire decree.
Proponent Consigliere [REDACTED] wishes it made known that they believe this would handily resolve the issue of retail burnout as well as the phone system problem - thereby killing two birds with one stone.
4. If clicking "play" on your game launches an endless parade of cascading windows, every single fucking one of which steals my cursor away from where I'm currently typing, you will have each of your fingernails removed, individually, by an enormous besuited man named Earl, at unplanned times throughout the remainder of the game's sales period.
5. All politicians will be subject to a popular vote, calculated per-citizen and without districting or grouping, after their term is up to determine whether they will live or die. If they are voted to die, a following vote will be issued to determine method of execution.